The saying,Love is blind and Marriage is an eye opener, has always been a long standing joke, or another that it is indeed a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband. Jokes like these have been around since forever ,but so has the very institution of Marriage.
There are many who yearn for it, dream of it, plan for it and finally take the plunge. The blind plunge…. oblivious of what lies ahead .
One minute we fall head over heels in love and the very next we’re planning the big day , us women especially secretly hoping ours to be the biggest and best event of the year. Guest lists, the perfect invitation , the best catering service in town, the most beautifully decorated venue, in short ,the works.
But what we fail to realise is, the difference between a wedding and a marriage. A wedding lasts only for a day or rather a couple of hours. When the last drop of wine has been consumed and the newly weds have been bade adieu, it is then when a marriage begins. The wedding with near and dear loved ones, celebrated the union of two becoming one and the honeymoon gives couples the ‘we time’ at the very onset of their journey together. But once again so many of us fail to understand that the wedding and honeymoon are only part of the marriage and not all of it.
While there are so many marriages that are happy and successful, we cannot deny that there are so many that are not. Couples that were once giddy in love, can’t wait to throw in the towel and call it quits. The saddest part of it all is that for most it’s not about finding someone new but falling out of love with the one they were once in love with. I’m no marriage guru and I’m not being judgmental here. But I would like to share our personal rules that have evolved us into the husband and wife that we are today .
- Remember why you started in the first place . The trouble with so many of us is that we forget what we have set out to do. Dont lose sight of the shore when you set sail. You chose to do this. Dont give up. It’s easy to blame the other person and call it quits. It’s difficult to forgive and move on. There are no shortcuts to success. Choose the difficult path.
- Eat at least one meal together As busy as your life will seem, eating at least one meal together makes a difference. Whether its breakfast , lunch or dinner, prepare the meal together, (even if it means just buttering a piece of toast ) and talk about the days plans or if its the end of the day, talk about how the day went.
- Share everything, not just the blanket. For a marriage to be successful, there can be no secrets. Your spouse is your best friend. Sure you can have your best friend and do your own things, but there cannot be anyone else who knows things that your husband or wife doesn’t know about. It has to be clearer than crystal clear. No sediments, no murky waters.
- Talk. One thing that I find works miracles for us is talking to each other about everything. Talk about your job, finances, each others interests, worries , fears, health, feelings or just about anything.
- Build each other. Be each others constant support and biggest cheerleader. Celebrate each others success, grieve each others downfall and build each other up. Accept the ups and downs together and work as a team without pointing a finger.
- Laugh often even if it’s at the silliest of things.
- We time not Me time is important. That doesn’t mean you don’t go out for a beer with your guys or you dont lunch with your girls. But it can’t all be about Me because a marriage is about 2 people that make up a We. Watch a movie at home, wake up late on Sunday , cook together , do groceries or just sit and talk about the week gone by. Include each other in your plans.
- Never let the sun go down on your anger. No two people are perfect and there are bound to be differences in opinion which in all probability will lead to those dreaded arguments which I feel are totally normal and healthy in a marriage. But dont let your ego get the better of you and not forgive. Wishing each other every night with a kiss or a hug is something that many may find old school. We’ve been betting our lives on it for the 15th year now!!Try it. It works. It’s the simplest thing you can do at the end of the day that will make you look forward to the next.
I would end my blog by saying that the most important part of a successful marriage is to keep God at the very centre of it. He is the one thing that will never let you down. But that’s just our take on it. The truth is there really are no rules to a happy and successful marriage. Ours are what works for us. Every couple is different and what works for us may or may not work for you. Create your own rules. Try things you both like. Be goofy. Mess up. There is no right and wrong. But what you do need to remember and never ever let go off ,is why you chose each other in the first place.
Keep it between the lines 